Finding Your True Voice: A Journey Back to Passion, Purpose, and Power

Fun fact: at one point in life I was certain that my destiny was to become a blues singer. My friends in high school called me ‘Flo’ because I was always busting out songs by Aretha Franklin, Nina Simone, Mary J Blidge – you know, ‘the Queens.’

I would fearlessly sing on stage every chance I got, and eventually, I earned a full scholarship to Ithaca University. But just as my senior year came to an end, life shook me in a different direction.

My class had nominated me to sing the star-spangled banner at graduation, which was planned to be held outside on a beautiful sunny day. I was all set to sing my own bluesy version in front of the largest audience I’d ever faced. But then–it started to rain.

Everyone quickly shuffled inside, and the principal, in a panic to stay on schedule, pushed me onto the stage. I began to sing, and just as I reached the peak of the song, the microphone cut out. Then it came back on. And then it cut out again.

I frantically looked at the principal who gave me the ‘keep going!’ gesture. I tried to push through, but without being able to hear myself, my voice wavered, going from boisterous to barely audible. The audience took pity on me and began to sing along—a kind gesture—but it only made matters worse as the mic kept—cutting—out.

I was so horrified that my cheeks started to spasm, and it took everything I was made of to stay on that stage until the song—now my personal nightmare—finally ended.

My fearlessness was demolished. I forfeited my scholarship and my journey took an entirely different turn.

25 years later, I am living on ‘The Island of Artists,’ and the invitation to sing again has become impossible to ignore.

So, I decided to take some singing lessons. In my first session, my teacher—a gorgeous, embodied powerhouse who initially intimidated me a little—led me through a series of silly exercises to experiment with sound and breath.

As I tried to replicate her, she would pause me and say, “You’re trying. Don’t try; just let it come through, regardless of how it sounds.” I tried again, trying not to try. It wasn’t until the fifth attempt, when I crossed some mysterious threshold of not caring how I sounded, that I heard my voice as I remembered it from so long ago.

“THAT. That’s it,’’ she said.

Since my first session, I’ve been able to access this embodied and effortless voice that has called me back to the stage—maybe not to sing just yet, but to facilitate, teach, and speak into the masses.

I share this because I am struck by the synchronicity of life—how, in one way or another, it always leads us back to our passion and purpose, no matter the twists, turns, shakes, and heartbreaks along the way.

I’m also now recommending voice lessons to all of the leaders I work with, who are crossing their own thresholds—from overthinking and analyzing to just saying ‘it’ and seeing what naturally emerges.

My wish is for everyone to have this experience, of hearing your truest self and song come through.

Why Internal (Embedded) Coaching Gets a Bad-Wrap

Problem #1: There's a remarkable number of coaches entering the industry, realizing that financial stability is primarily found in executive, leadership, and organizational coaching. Yet, the vast majority of them don't fully understand the HR function and/or aren't equipped to maintain the boundaries required to be a partner to both the business and the people.

In a worst-case scenario, they end up perpetuating the ‘Drama-Triangle’ by taking ‘sides,’ or positioning themselves as advocates rather than sources of truth and a reflection of the culture. This is largely why HR leaders have historically been a ‘hell-no’ to internal coaching.

Solution: Coaches need to be trained on how to effectively operate inside organizations. That's why I designed Alma Academy — to equip them to establish agreements and partnerships that can effectively revolutionize the HR function. 

Problem #2: If senior leaders aren't receiving coaching or doing their 'work,' EC’s become the 'holders of complaints and stories,' instead of empowering conscious leadership at all levels of the business. 

Solution: A culture audit needs to be conducted to determine the readiness for an EC. Ideally, senior leaders are receiving executive coaching concurrently and in collaboration with the EC, ensuring everyone is ‘speaking the same language.’ This is when it becomes possible to embed values, customs, and leadership philosophies across all levels.

Problem #3: If HR isn’t open and fully bought into adopting this model, there will inevitably be a lot of ‘crossing of lanes,’ resentments, and confusion on behalf of employees about who to go to for what.

Solution: HR leaders need to understand the value of having a ‘middle point’ between the people and the business, and to train employees on how to effectively utilize the EC function. When the partnership between ECs and HR is solid, EC’s can become invaluable in scaling leadership development, maintaining retention, and boosting engagement during times of adversity and change, among many other benefits.

Dear Leaders, when you can create a ‘safe space’ for people to do their ‘work’ in the workplace, it will lighten the burden that HR bears to be all things to all people. It shifts the ‘us and them’ dynamic, fosters accountability, relational intelligence, and creates a shared reality across all layers and functions of the business. 

As a pioneer of the Embedded Coaching model, I am living proof that not only can it work, but it is the KEY to cracking the ‘culture code.’

Six Things I learned After Facilitating 7,000 Coaching Sessions

1. Cancel Culture Can Be Canceled. 

   I’ve often coached leaders who were described as unapproachable and inconsiderate by their peers, only to discover that they were actually deeply insecure, introverted, on the spectrum, or generally misunderstood.

   As these leaders missed the cues signalling that people wanted or needed more from them, gossip would start to swirl.

   It was actually pretty shocking to see how quickly people would re-run the stories they had heard, lacking any personal interaction or firsthand experience.

   Then, I would encounter leaders who had the agency and courage to stop the swirling in its tracks. They would openly say things like, "This feels like gossip to me, and I’m not comfortable with the direction this conversation is going," or simply, "That’s not my experience”.

   This explicit act would let the audience know that we don’t treat people like this. We assume positive intent, seek to understand, and give feedback directly.

   The Invitation: Be the person who can break away from the crowd, who doesn’t ‘fuel the fire’ and perpetuate the pain that comes with canceling others before having the full truth of the matter.

   Those who follow and admire you are watching. 

2. Humans are incredibly multidimensional. 

   Internal Family Systems (IFS) theory explains how we have a whole ‘family’ of parts within us that have been formed during various stages of our lives. These parts show up differently, depending on our motivations and the roles we play. In the workplace - my guess is that you are seeing 1-3 (out of 14+) parts of the people you work closest with. 

   As a coach, I was fortunate to meet all of the parts of the leaders I served, and came to realize…

   • How interconnected we all are. Most of us are walking around with the same fears, insecurities and desire to feel seen.

   • The attempt to hide the vulnerable parts of ourselves is what prevents people from experiencing the quality of connection they long for and need,

   The invitation: Remember that you're probably only seeing 2-4 parts of the people you work closely with. Catch yourself when you come to quick conclusions. Assume that everyone is doing their best with the limited resources, understanding, or self-awareness they have access to. 

3. Most of what people say is either a ‘story’ or a projection. 

   While working within organizations, I often hear ten different stories about the same situation in any given week. Each person's perspective is shaped by the limited context they have access to and their pre-conditioned beliefs about how people should think, act, or lead. They can unconsciously assume others see through the same lens and easily get stuck in a ‘state of rightness.’

   It’s wild how quickly we attach meaning to the 60,000+ thoughts we have each day, how our unchallenged interpretations end up shaping everything from our relationships to how much people trust us, to the impact we can have in the world. 

   The Invitation: Master the art of speaking from your own experience (‘from the I,’). Hold inquisitiveness as a personal value and actively question how you ‘occur to the world.’

4. Humans are incredibly resilient.

   I’ve seen countless leaders come into organizations with boundless energy, excitement, and passion to bring a vision to life, only to have it obliterated over and over again. Witnessing their capacity for reinvention and adaptation to ever-changing realities has been the most inspiring aspect of my journey as a coach.

   The Invitation: If you feel your resilience waning, take stock of what is happening outside of your ‘bubble.’ We often lose sight of what’s important or forget that there is always something and someone to be grateful for.

5. A conversation can change everything.

   Far too many people are in a ‘state of tolerating’ rather than saying what they really think, need or feel. There is a remarkable amount of time lost playing out all the scenarios about what will happen if we say ‘no,’ push back, or advocate for the unpopular approach.

   The vast majority of the time, the relief people feel after saying what needs to be said is worth the discomfort.

   Planning, framing, and examining your blind spots in the process is always valuable; however, delaying will likely perpetuate resentments, which inevitably become harder to bear in the long run.

   The invitation: Choose your discomforts wisely. Reclaim your precious time, stop war-gaming and start revealing your experience. The rupture will be worth living in your truth. 

1. Hearts can harden, unless we work to keep them open.

   It is true that working in a start-up is an accelerator for personal and professional growth. Time and again, I’ve seen leaders transform due to what they were exposed to, learned, created, and survived.

   However, the pattern I have noticed is a diminishing permeability over time, where people are no longer as impacted by others or situations as they once were. This can be beneficial when responding to things beyond our control, but unfortunately, it can handicap us in building meaningful relationships. When people can’t feel your heart, they are less likely to open theirs to you.

   The invitation: Remember that curiosity is the key to accessibility. Catch yourself when you become closed off to others' emotions or the impact of your actions.

This awareness will inform the quality of your relationships and the quality of your life.

A Deliberate Beginning: Embracing the Potential of the First 90 Days

As I’m supporting several execs in navigating their first 90 days in new roles, I’m reminded of the saying, “Where there are cracks, the light gets in.” 

Each of them has been in the trenches of unicorn startups and survived the heartbreak that comes when your 'baby' doesn't make it to life. As they started entering new rooms, they could feel their insecurities, resentments and remnants of PTSD creeping in.

One confided, “I’ve developed an automatic response to look for the problems before the possibilities. I can see myself coming in with an ‘edge,’ and it’s crushing my ability to trust and be trusted."

I reflected back that his ability to observe himself ‘from the outside’, was the very thing that would empower him to shift the behavior. 

“This conversation is proof that you haven’t lost your ability to be inquisitive, which signals that you haven’t settled for your previous ‘way of being’ in the world. Now, you have a choice.”  His face softened, and in that moment, I could see ‘the light get in.’ These are the times coaches live for—when you can actually witness transformation happening in real time.

This is the path of conscious leadership: proactively challenging everything you ‘think,’ confronting and clearing old baggage before stepping into the next role, partnership, or position of power.

Entering with Grace 

In the high-stake moments of first impressions you will be reminded of the power of a clean slate. You'll be forced to embrace learning-mind, examine old reflexes and flex new muscles that will ultimately reveal your integrated self–parts of you that have remained unseen or underutilized until now. 

This is when old stories lose their power, as you begin to recognize the roles you played in past collapses. Over time, you’ll find gratitude for these lessons, which now inspire you to lead, evolve, and become the change-maker you aspire to be.

Your first mission: exude curiosity and collect data, before challenging strategies or redirecting initiatives. 

Your team will be looking for evidence of your willingness to learn and adapt to their ways of working, thinking and engaging in difficult conversations. Some will be tracking your facial expressions and body language. Others may have already come to conclusions about your approach, credibility or capacity to win.

This is when it’s critical to:

1. Become hyper aware of your unconscious signals and how they manifest.. 

2. Catch yourself when making quick assumptions or judgements and take a pause.

3. Speak ‘from the I’ and own your experience. Broad-sweeping or conclusive statements can unintentionally throw people or teams ‘under the bus.’ Conscious communication will be one of the most telling signs of your leadership capacity.

4. Read the room: attune and actively listen so you don’t miss the nuanced behaviors, customs, tensions and team dynamics that will reveal the true layers of the land you’ve embarked on. 

For those of you who are introverted or not naturally relational, the ‘edge’ for you here will be to authentically (maybe even vulnerably) ‘reveal yourself.’

Talk about your failures, perspectives, preferences and needs. Start to inspire a vision for the future by sharing how you’ve navigated in ‘war times,’ why you chose to step into this role and where you see the greatest potential for what’s to come.

The more you can share, the more people will understand and (hopefully) embrace who you are—as a person, a leader, and operator. 

Setting Expectations

The most common mistake leaders make in the first 90 days is being a ‘yes-man/woman.’ 

They come in wanting to be the rescuer, instead of the explorer. Their people-pleasing tendencies, and the ‘urgent’ fires that need to be put out, force them right into the weeds and keep them from grasping the bigger picture. 

What's even more consequential, is that people will end up disappointed or losing trust because they couldn’t be all ‘things’ to all people at once. 

The boundaries and guardrails you set for yourself (and your team) will pave the path toward collaboration, instead of fire-fighting.

Tactical Tip: Use the C.U.B.E. Framework—a simple yet powerful structure designed to empower you to "own" and guide a productive and thoughtful conversation. Here’s an example for a first 1:1:

C - Set Context: Share your objectives for this discussion in a way that signals your openness, curiosity, and desire to learn. For example, 'My goal is to understand your world, your needs, and how we can co-create an impactful partnership as I integrate into this role. Is there anything you would like to know or walk away with after our meeting today?'

U - Understand Each Other's Worlds (theirs first): If possible, come prepared with thoughtful questions that show you’ve ‘done your homework.’ For example, 'I understand you played an instrumental role in the IPO—what was that experience like?' or 'What advice would you give me as I step into this role, based on your journey so far?' When it’s your turn to share, try blending personal and professional insights into a story that illustrates who you are, where you come from, and what matters to you (in five minutes or less).

B - Brainstorm Options: Explore ways they can help you integrate into the organization. You might ask, 'Could I shadow an upcoming meeting to gain more context?' or 'In your opinion, what’s the best way to communicate my role to the team?' A strong closing question could be, 'How can I support you over the next month, 60, or 90 days?'

E - End with Commitments: Gauge how these suggestions and requests have landed, and outline the next steps. For example, 'Does this approach work for you? Should we set up a cadence for future check-ins?'

If you can cover these four parts of the conversation, stay present, and bring your weird, wonderful self to the table, you’ll be off to a great start!

Finally, embrace your ‘imposter.’ This is simply one part of you that shows up during new beginnings, as its role has been to protect you from rejection and failure in the past. There’s no need to give it more attention or power than it deserves, because now new parts are running the show now—parts that embody next-level awareness, mastery, and badassery.

Dear Leaders, thank you for immersing yourselves in places of greatest potential while staying committed to your personal evolution. 

On behalf of all of us who receive your gifts, guidance, fight and light – Thank You.

The Power of Speaking from ‘the I’

‘Speaking from the I’ is one of the first things I introduce when coaching someone to powerfully communicate. When I first delved into the art of communication, I learned what Marshall Rosenberg meant by ‘violent communication,’ and it forever changed the way I listen, relate, respond, and express my experience. I started to notice the difference between:
a) observations - noticing or perceiving something with our senses and...
b) evaluations - when we insert our assumptions, judgments, or conclusions into a conversation.

Have you ever been talking to someone who makes a lot of ‘you’ statements? (e.g., 'you are...,' 'you should...,' 'you always...') and wondered why you felt a disconnect or even defensive? It's because you didn’t feel ‘seen’ in their conclusive statements. You probably felt the urge to correct them or share what’s actually true for you.

When we ‘speak from the I’, we automatically create a space open to multiple perspectives, we invite a collaborative conversation to achieve a shared reality. How it works:
As you interact with others, you’re in a constant loop of listening, thinking, and feeling. The invitation is to put words to what you're experiencing in the present moment by using the following sentence stems:

I notice___ (what you see and/or observe with your senses)
I imagine___(what you ‘think’ might be happening)
I feel___(name the feeling that you’re experiencing in the moment)
I need/want/desire___(requests or invitations)
I’m curious if/about ___(point to a perspective that the listener may not be aware of)

Example:
‘You aren’t prioritizing your workload well; you should have plenty of time to do this project.’
vs
‘I notice you seem overwhelmed, and I’m curious about how you’re prioritizing your workload. I imagine there’s something blocking you, and I need to understand how I can support you in meeting this deadline.’

In the second example, you're making your listener feel considered instead of blamed. You are signaling that you have taken their experience into consideration before coming to conclusions about their performance.

This might sound simple, but for me, it was like learning a new language. I had to constantly catch myself, reframe, and examine what I was really seeing, feeling, thinking, or needing in any given interaction.

It was also super ‘edgy’ to say a lot of things that I would have otherwise filtered or kept inside.
But as I practiced, it got easier, and I realized that when we speak from the ‘I,’ our experience is inarguable.
No one could tell me that I wasn’t noticing, experiencing, or needing something.

Ultimately, you’ll feel more empowered to share what’s really going on for you, without the overthinking and ‘work’ we tend to do to be perceived a certain way.

Dear Leaders, this is a game changer for you. When you can speak from the I, you'll evoke vulnerability and trust, and experience more connection in ALL of your conversations.